Pen Me A Poem » Edward’s Daily Poetry Blog

Elephantless Indian Republic Day

Edward — Sun, 18 Jan 2009 15:03:49 +0000

On the 26th of January in the year 1950, India became a republic after its transition from a British Dominion. Ever since since, India has recognised the day as a national holiday. In Dehli, for almost six decades, elephants have been one of the main attractions in the yearly parade and are seen decked out in elaborate headdresses with children riding on top. However animal rights campaigners have often complained and due to the near stampede at last year’s event, the traditional elephant march has been cancelled for 2009. The children, each recipients of bravery awards, will now be paraded on military vehicles instead. Below is a small poem inspired by the news story.

Elephants on parade

“Absent they’ll be! Our frolicsome
Elephants have been shunned!
We must protest to officialdom,
We’ll stand and announce a bundh*!”

The bejewelled beasts have been retired
For the first time in decades.
Now instead the cheering children will be
Sitting atop tank brigades.

The annual Republic Day parade,
Where Indians stand proudly,
Marks the years since old British rule
and my, do the crowds sing loudly!

*bundh: a general strike in India.

The original news story can be found in this short Times Online piece.

Atheist Bus Campaign Draws Christian Ire

Edward — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 23:26:45 +0000

The Atheist Bus Campaign in the United Kingdom was born from the idea of countering the wide array of Christian advertising said to adorn public billboards and London buses. Political blogger Jon Worth first came up with the concept and the momentum was later joined by the British Humanist Association, which set up, with generous help from Richard Dawkins, a public donation web-page. The campaign raised a staggering £136,000 which led to the branding of 200 bendy-buses in London and 600 vehicles in England, Scotland and Wales, with the mildly controversial message, ‘There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life’. The poem below is about the recent case of a Mr Ron Heather, a bus driver from Southampton, who refused to drive a bus laden with the advert, out of a sense of ’shock’ and ‘horror’ to his religious sensibilities.

Probably no buses

“There’s probably no God” in Southampton
“Now stop worrying and enjoy your life”.
Now that’s not strictly true – God’s nationwide,
Dwelling on buses, from north to south,
Bringing the atheist message to all.
Southampton’s the home of Mr Heather
A Christian. The British Humanists,
Have been left perplexed by said bus driver’s
Refusal to drive transport with the sign.
“We just can’t understand”, they responded.
Muttering confusion, as the pulpits
Of small coffee shops and internet chat rooms
Ask one question: “Why the word ‘probably’
When the campaign’s defined as atheist?

The full story can be read in this BBC Hampshire article.

Britney Spears Joins the Taliban

Edward — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:30:35 +0000

Yesterday, I asked people on the social networking and micro-blogging service, Plurk, to provide ten random words for me to incorporate into a poem. The resulting poem was created by using these given words in tandem with a subject matter familiar to most people. This being Britney Spears, the rather irritating and over exposed pop singer. Each of the ten words in the poem are highlighted by a link to the Plurk profile of the person who provided the word.

Britney Spears

Scene: A Britney Spears spokesman at a press conference.

“It is with the greatest of confuddlements
That I announce some shocking and terribly grave news.
Ladies – ladies and gentleman – BBC and Fox -
Britney Spears has joined the Taliban.

Intelligence says, she’s renamed herself
‘Britney Bin Boobs‘, inducing much discombobulation.
The Spear’s family is understandably crushed
And have been looking up Waziristan on Google Earth
Vile place!

Apparently a golden dodecahedron
Worth many millions of dollars,
Now known as fake, attracted her eye, cunningly
Drawing her in.
No one knows as yet what Jihadi plans she has
In retaliation for the constant mockery
During hair follicle prestidigitation
Last year.”

Yes. There are 9 linked words in the poem. I am ashamed to admit I forgot to include the 10th.
Feel free to add me if you are also a member of Plurk.

A Labradoodle or Bullshitzu for President Obama?

Edward — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 02:36:48 +0000

United States President-elect Barack Obama has promised his two daughters a new addition to the family upon entering the White House. Replacing Barney, President Bush’s Scottish Terrier, will be an as-yet-unknown mutt. A Portuguese Water Dog and a Labradoodle are apparently the two joint favourite breeds to hold the post of ‘First Dog’.

Barney Bush

The kids want a Labradoodle, that is
A mix between a Labrador and Poodle.
President-elect Barack Obama
Soon to be inaugurated this month
Is desperately seeking a First Dog.
“Cockerpoo Daddy!” says Malia Ann
As she suggests some more alternatives,
Whilst Sasha mulls over a Great Schnauzer.
The present alpha-mutt is Barney Bush
Who is most famous for chewing the hand
Of a mean paparazzo, last Autumn.
Scots Terrier off the list, last Autumn.
Michelle wants a Portuguese Water Dog
Apparently, to match her new shag pile,
Much preferable to a Bullshitzu.

Note: Malia Ann and Sasha are the two daughters of Barack and Michelle Obama.

Sex Remains Upright in the Face of Global Downturn

Edward — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:14:06 +0000

Sex has apparently replaced window shopping and gossiping as Britain’s favourite non-paying pastime according to a recent YouGov survey. The Scots were discovered to be the most randy and wanton with 43% of those asked putting sex above any other pastime. The southern English were found to be the least desiring with a flaccid 35% choosing the above. The Terrance Higgins Trust published its findings in November to coincide with World Aids Day and highlighted the importance of wearing protection.

“Rates of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections are on the up so when you snuggle down with a partner, make sure you do it safely.” said a spokeswoman.

Gossip when the economy perks

When the economy’s rise has stumbled,
Derailed from its wax, shrivelled to a grovel
With no sign of light, and taxes grabble
At what money is left in old sweet tins
Dwelling in the nation’s now vacuous cupboards.
Circumstances leave one alternative,
For those lucky enough to still have beds.

News is that our exploits in the bedroom
Are replacing shopping and non-stop gossiping,
As national pastimes in the financial gloom.
The Scots are the most enthusiastic,
With forty-three percent listing sex as top
On their score sheets, of hobbies, they prefer
When cash is scarce, and the dark nights topple down;
‘Tis a cheaper way of central heating!
The Terrence Higgins Trust reminded all,
That we should buy, our favourite condoms
To help both Gordon Brown’s economy,
And keep away those sexual diseases.

You can read the full story on the BBC website in this article titled ‘Britons ’saving money with sex’ from the 1st of December.

Children’s Clown Stripped After Terror Scare

Edward — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 00:29:37 +0000

A clown accompanying a crowd of children for a flight around the United Kingdom was stripped searched recently after his toy handcuffs alerted the airport metal detectors. Security staff were on hand to help PC Konk to take off his giant baggy trousers, massive shoes and to examine his bubble saxophone, toy camera and police-clown identity card. The latter had his photo and a description of him being in the Criminally Insane Department. The clown was later allowed to continue on his way, although his handcuffs were confiscated.

Terrorist clown?

Beware of clowns with coloured pantaloons
Who wear huge shoes and stand in airport lounges.
They might well be a terrorist, a threat!
Hiding water bombs and paper scissors –
Planes could burst with laughter!

Metal detectors, tootle with mirth
As security with indecent frowns,
Press the children’s jester to promptly disrobe.
Toy handcuffs, seized from his still chuckling girth,
Impounded! On Britain’s safety grounds!

The full story of this humorous airport encounter can be found in this Daily Telegraph article from the 21st of December.

Cats Killed: Mouse Suspected of Arson

Edward — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 01:15:32 +0000

Last Wednesday morning a devastating fire blazed through an animal shelter in the Canadian city of Toronto. Fire chiefs suspect that mice or rats were to blame after chewing through electrical wires in the ceiling. In total nearly 100 cats were killed as were three dogs and some rats up for adoption.

“It’s unfortunate and ironic that mice caused the fire that killed the cats,” Ian McConachie, the Toronto Humane Society spokesman told the BBC.

Mouse killed the cat?

We snacked on those wires,
All eight of us fulfilling our desires,
For precious revenge,
“Bite hard to avenge!”,
Our brave leader shouted.
It was easy – the rubber sheaths ripped,
Then, as power was routed,
Flames zipped!

We had to do the deed,
For the sake of our crucial needs.
No more remains,
Decapitation stains,
Or fatal last rodent squeals!
“They tortured our comrades before they killed them
Leaving their skins red in furred peels,
Damn them!”

They burned, fast, but
Their screams remained in death’s noisome glut.
All one hundred
Of their groans thundered!
Feline bodies wilting
In fires kindled after years of terror,
Vengeance gained, power tilting,
Fairer!

To read more about this unfortunate story visit the related BBC article from the 19th of December.

(Please note – These are quickly written verses in response to current events which I create for fun and in no way exemplify the careful and meticulous poems I can create for you. See my poetry portfolio for examples)

Cold Parisian Nudes

Edward — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 01:39:29 +0000

In Paris recently a group of life models protested in the city streets in a completely nude (some may say lewd) act of defiance. The problems occurred when a ban was imposed on artists giving the models tips after their sessions. The city hall was first bombarded with complaints but the situation came to ahead the other day with mass protests composed of red shivering legions of the bold and the beautiful. The following poem is in honour of those starving modern day equivalents of Rodin’s naked muses.

Life drawing class

Cold Parisian nudes, stand tight in frigid rows,
Their painted banners unfurled like national flags flapping.
More pay they demand and more respect for no clothes,
“Can’t you see our pride unwrapping?!”

Goosebumps tingle in the freezing afternoon air,
Where thighs stand pale white and noses turn red.
Behind, decorated Christmas trees stare,
Whilst kids laugh heels over head.

The problem first occurred with Paris City Hall,
When they banned the tradition of the ‘cornet’,
A piece of paper rolled and passed around for tips and all
With thanks for their bodies they let.

“It’s artistic and physically demanding work
To stand and sit for hours requires strong fitness,
And in France, life modelling is a serious perk”,
Observed a naked witness.

Nearby artists sketch the shivering arrangement,
In solidarity with their linked cause;
A megaphone cries out their bared estrangement,
From the past and new city’s laws.

The original story can be found in this Guardian newspaper article from the 16th of December this year.

Olivia – A Poem

Edward — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 14:21:53 +0000

I saw her walking from the shadows,
Oh! A splendid sight was she to behold,
on a Summer’s noon; Blazing azure eyes
playful, beneath the canopy of leaves.
Flowers nearby, began to fade away
from my view, as her head tilted high
beckoning rays of sunlight to caress
her silky cheeks. Sweeping blonde hair unfurled
divine; Her resplendent jaw line perched on bold
imagination’s shoulder. Soft, lips, ripe,
magnificent; Thirst, and typhoons of lust,
Simmered hot within my embracing arms.
Then as a candle blown out at night
I stilled my mind; Her beauty etched upon my heart.

© Edward Beaman-Hodgkiss

Model: Olivia of LTY Designs and Tutorials.

My Writing Desk

Edward — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 13:44:25 +0000

Circular streams, course from one open window
Through to the next, across my writing desk
Where a laptop gently purrs its echo
Of my ceaseless thoughts and dreams statuesque.
The shimmering sea inside harbour walls
Toys with my senses high above the trees,
That stand, looking up in their genteel shawls
To the ridge where I sit with Summer breeze;
A cat extends her paw and gently plays
With sheets of paper on a wooden chair,
Distracting esurient eyes sideways,
Followed by a tender smile, playful glare,
A teasing cry, then kiss, then stroke, then tap,
Typing, focused, poetry, to unwrap.

Written in response to the poetry prompt on this website.